Just the usual i need somewhere to rant. you don't have to read.

Assalamualaikum :)

Beberapa hari yang lepas ada beberapa perkara yang membuatkan hati saya berdebar debar bila memikirkannnya. emm i think ayat tu is a little bit weird kann haha biarlah.

First, I have been given a task. Jadi penyampai dekat a program berkaitan Sejarah Islam. Woaa. Bila pertama kali kakak naqibah bagitahu pasal tu, saya terus terasa macam seriously?.... saya? ....saya? ....saya? (okay actually semua ahli usrah saya kena bagi, setiap orang dapat satu slot tapi still... saya?)

Haha, ada moment of mental breakdown kejap. Well, bukanlah saya takut nak bercakap depan orang ramai. That's not the main problem. Eventhough everytime kat depan orang ramai the first few minutes cam terketar ketar tapi lama lama saya okay ja if orang suruh cakap depan orang ranai.

Tapi this will be my first untuk bagi presentation about something islamic, not medical or any other usual presentation dekat sekolah. I am not used to it. And i always rasa that i dont have enough ilmu for that.
So saya pun start baca and belajar from various sources and people and i was ashamed of myself, dah umur 22 tahun baru nak belajar secara serius sejarah islam. hoi!

I came to learn about many great people, sahabat nabi yang saya tak pernah tahu sebelum ni. and also came to know many stories and the reason behind of all that stories. macam why Rasulullah buat sesuatu, kenapa baginda buat camtu kenapa tak buat camni. And I found that belajar sejarah is not that bad (i used to hate sejarah kat sekolah dolu dolu)

Do you know why masa time hijrah Rasulullah berhijrah senyap senyap sedangkan sahabat Nabi SAW, Umar al-Khattab berhijrah secdara terang-terangan? Adakah Umar lebih berani atau lebih hebat dari Nabi? Haaa, cuba teka kenapa. (I'll tell why later)

Second reason for my anxiety was because, my batch ada like pilihanraya for organisasi batch or something. And semua orang kena tulis nama orang yang dia rasa layak untuk each jawatan. And the two nama yang paling ramai orang tulis akan berentap (hamboih, berentap kaauuu) untuk that said jawatan. Andddd, nama saya ada for penolong ketua batch (famously known pkb). I was like seriously? and then i have the second mental breakdown haha too much mental breakdown la bulan ni heh.

So when people asked me, do you want me to vote for you? i will slowly and silently shake my head. and when people will ask  why. I don't have the answer...... Okay, fine it's because saya rasa macam i am not suitable to be a leader. Jadi kuli kena buat kerja boleh la .heh.

Bila tanya kawan nasihat, on what should i do, they just said maybe that's the best yang Allah nak from me. I may not feel like it tapi mungkin itu adalah jalan yang Allah pilih untuk saya untuk bekerja kerna Dia. He knows that i am incompetent in many ways and He wants me to improve myself through this. The final result is unknown, tapi kalaulah people still chose me, then my awesome friend told me to just believe that Allah had laid His best plan for me.

Kawan saya awesome kan? they know the exact thing to say to ease my anxiety. So now, saya tunngu jelah the final result. It's useless pun nak fret about something yang uncertain. And kalaulah saya kalah alhamdulillah. and kalau saya menang pun alhamdulillah, it means that Allah trust me and so do the people yang vote. kalau ada batchmate saya yg baca nih  seriously, don't vote for me.  please vote for someone yang korang rasa layak.

Okay, enough rant for today. Doakan the best (which i don't know yang mana satu) for me. And my talk will be on this upcoming Friday.

"My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good that You bestow on me!"

*Huuuuu~ huuuuuuu~ tarik nafas, hembus laju laju and say bring it on!*