Saturday, 18 January 2014


Assalamualaikum :)

Sekarang, saya dalam round paediatrics which is round kanak kanak. dah almost satu bulan dah masuk round ni, another one month to go. So far, round paediatrics saaaangat menarik.

Round kanak kanak ni a little bit different daripada round round sebelum ni. Sebab belajar pasal kanak kanak (of course la kann), sebelum ni asyik deal dengan orang dewasa ja.

Everything is different, vital signs (i.e respiratory rate, pulse, blood pressure) kena hafal values lain. drugs ada certain yang not working kalau bagi dekat kanak kanak, banyak penyakit yang takde dekat orang dewasa kena tahu diorang punya natal history, developmental history, nutritional and kena ada skill nak tackle kanak kanak tu time clerking and examination huhuuu

Nak tackle kanak kanak tulah yang paling lemah tu. I don't have that skill haha dengan bahasa yang limited lagilah. Hee tapi I am trying to improve myself. Memula dulu macam takut takut jugak nak approach bebudak, nak pegang babies pun takut jugak rasa cam fragile sangat diorang tuu, tambah tambah neonates.. laaaagilaaaa fragile (medically, babies yang umurnya 0-28 hari kita panggil neonates). Tapi now dah boleh sikit sikit kot, sifat sifat keibuan dah mula menyerlah (haha sila muntah hijau).

Terharu tengok bebudak kecik semua melawan penyakit diorang. Tambah tambah bila time Neonatal ICU (NICU) nampak babies pramatang/ tak cukup bulan fighting to live. Subhanallah! Kecik kecik lagi dah banyak dugaan yang Allah turunkan dekat diorang. Kanak kanak ni punya semangat nak lawan sakit diorang sangat amazing.

Ada satu case, kanak kanak lelaki, his name is Said, berumur 15 tahun dengan uncorrected Fallot Tetralogy (It's a congenital heart disease, jantung dia sejak lahir tak terbentuk dengan baik, ada jantung berlubang dan urat darah yang besar tak terlatak pada tempat yang betul. Hanya boleh dirawat dengan pembedahan) Usually case of Fallot, kalau tak dijalankan pembedahan susah untuk survive lama. Tapi that patient survive sampai umur 15 tahun! and he looks healthy and happy (for his standard). Even prof cakap his case is a miracle, nobody usually survive that long. Subhanallah! Rasa nak nangis tengok Said, he also has Down syndrome.

And rasa nak nangis tengok mak yang sabar je jaga anak dia yang istimewa. Jumpa banyak ibu ibu yang punyai anak anak down syndrome and kebanyakannya ada complication jantung. Tengok diorang layan anak dengan penuh sabar and kasih sayang. sobs TT. Terfikir kalau diri sendiri yang kena mampu tak nak tersenyum macam diorang.

So overall, round paediatrics banyak sangat ajar diri untuk bersyukur. Betapa bersyukurnya dilahirkan sempurna. Before this, dengan kawan kawan semua selalu berangan nak anak comel, tapi tengok Said and the other kids dekat ward paediatrics, terus terkesan, it's more than enough kalau anak cukup sempurna tak sakit. Allah TT.

Fighting little baby!

Friday, 17 January 2014



Since high school, i've been known as the good girl. Tudung dah nampak labuh,  tutup semua apa yang patut. Plus handsocks and stokin lagi. Orang mungkin nampak saya sebagai budak yang tahu agama tapi hakikatnya i was no different from them. All those outer appearance was because i was told to wear it like that and lama kelamaan it's becoming a habit and plus it's comfortable pun so why not.

During my third year of medical studies I joined usrah, simply just sebab ikut orang. It has been nearly two years i guess. Tak rasa sangat pun perubahan dalam diri.

I don't know exactly when did it start but recently (it was not so recent pun, maybe from last semester?) i started watching lots and lots of conversion stories, how people from different religion came to Islam. Or some people may called it as Reversion stories since every human being was born as a muslim originally.

Those stories never failed to amaze me. Those people, after their conversion became so committed to Islam, so eager to do da'wah, more than us the Muslims by default.

I dont know why I kept watching those videos, but suddenly it occurred to me that I am looking for the answers of my own faith in those videos. Why do people attracted to Islam, and why dont I become like them. Committed to my own religion.

Since little, I am practising Islam because I was told to, I prayed five times a day without knowing the purpose of it. When I joined usrah, I knew that our purpose of life is to do ibadah and be khalifah for the sake of Allah. Tapi all those things never really.. emm i don't know the correct term but i don't really feel it, or understand it. Macam tak masuk sangat la dalam hati gituu.

Sometimes I even have doubts, not the major doubts, I know for sure that Islam is the truth, Allah is the Only One God and Rasulullah SAW is the messenger of God. It's tiny little things that I don't want to say here.

I never say it out loud, because I thought, it's totally prohibited to have doubts in our religion.
But yesterday I found this video. I really love the syeikh's way of explaining things, he feels like a father figure to me. The one who says it's okay to make mistakes, you'll learn.

I think my problem in religion is because I kept on being the one who's in the receiving end. Never actively looking for Allah. Never trying to really know who is Allah. I kept on just receiving without any questions and that was very wrong of me. Even in Quran Allah kept on telling us to actively thinking, don't just receive. Allah told us to read, gain knowledge and think, do not just sit and follow people.

I need to change my way. I remember watching a conversion story of a drug dealer who decided to take his own life before becoming a Muslim. He said that a real Muslim is the one who is happy and never feel lonely. If you felt lonely or unhappy you should check yourself. Are you practising the real Islam or not.

We need to check and change ourselves. Are we behaving like a supposedly how Muslim behave? 

Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Air panas


Whenever you are in doubt, whenever you have any prob, whenever you are depressed, whenever you are happy.... The first thing that you must do is return to The Almighty. Everything insyaAllah will be solve for you.

Today, i had some doubts regarding some matters in Islam and that made me feels so lazy to do my daily- before-sleep routine that i've been trying to practise for the last week. But i forced myself to go and take wudhu.

It's winter here in egypt so i switch on the water heater and the water is extra warm tonight. So while taking my wudhu i felt the water is quite hot and withdraw my hand quickly.

Suddenly a thought came to my mind, if i cannot even stand the water that is that hot how am i going to survive the jahannam?

That's a thing to ponder for tonight. May Allah make us among those who will be saved from the hell fire, amin.