Reminiscing the old times

 Assalamualaikum and hai. 

I am surprised blogger.com is actually still here.

It has been yearssss since I last opened my own blog. Is there people still blogging nowadays? 

Anyway, I’m feeling nostalgic tonight and found myself scrolling through my old blog and Facebook posts. Both had been quiet for years now.

Reading the posts I wrote in my early 20s brings up mixed feelings. Part of me misses those carefree days, but at the same time, I now realise that many of the things I worried about back then were actually so small. Looking back, some of those posts make me cringe a little!

Still, I’m grateful that I wrote them and poured my emotions into those words. Revisiting those youthful, sometimes immature thoughts reminds me of how much I’ve grown and how far I’ve come. 

Nowadays, I am only writing in physical journal. Can't really write everything online nowadays as most of my writing revolves around my daily life.. And by daily life I meant my work mostly, can't really write about my patients online, nanti kena saman or viral all for the wrong reasons. heh. 

So my journal has become the keeper of all those thoughts, frustrations, little victories, and memorable moments. In a way, it feels more personal too. Maybe years from now, I’ll look back at those pages the same way I’m looking back at my old Facebook posts tonight — cringing at some parts, laughing at others, but grateful that I took the time to record a little piece of my life.

I am on my fourth year of Master in Paediatrics. I don't really know HOW I made it, but somehow here I am, on my journey of becoming paediatrician. Sometimes, I think it all started more than 10 years ago during my paediatric rotation in medical school. One of the residents watched me interacting with the children in our class and casually told me, “You’ll make a good paediatrician someday.” 

It stuck with me until now, and during my housemanship, Paediatric was the one rotation in which I was most confident and really enjoyed myself. 

Oklah, that's all for today. 

GBS

Assalamualaikum peeps

Long time no see. 

Recently i witness another baby passed away because of GBS Sepsis. It is so heartbreaking seeing the mother holding her lifeless baby. 

I stifled my cry when seeing the mom and dad broke down when my speacialist broke the bad news - there is nothing more that we can do to your baby, we have tried our best but he seems not responding to our treatment. 

GBS is so nasty, this is my second time seeing baby passed away within 24 hours of life because of GBS. I wish i can do more for the baby, but he deteriorates so fast. 

Bayangkan you are so excited carrying your baby for 9 months thinking there is nothing wrong only to loose them within hours after their birth. 

This is the hardest thing in this job, when you loose your patient and you felt hopeless, hoping you can do better for them and their families. But i had to remind myself again and again that it is all God’s plan, and i can only try my best.

But it is still hard when you have to put a front in front of parents and your colleague. 

There are a few deaths that i still remember after few years passed, in which sometimes i was wondering how are the parents now. I still remember the mothers’ hopeful face everytime when they asked their baby’s/child’s condition. It sucks when they kept on thanking me for taking care of their child but i know deep down, their child is not gonna make it despite our best effort. 

:(

Reading my old post

I am glad i wrote a lot in this blog during my late teen and early 20s. 

Somehow i am missing that stage of life. When i was young, and my main problems in life were mainly things related to my feelings and how hard studying medicine. Haha. 

Adulting is hard. 

I am thirty years old this year. 

Cepat sangat masa berjalan.

When i was young, i thought by this age, my life would already be figured out. Haha, my god i was so naive back then.

Sometimes, i felt like i am more lost nowadays compared to when i was younger. 

Hmm, thats all peeps. Its nice writing here again after so long. 

Bye for now :)

2020

Asslamualaikum :)

Happy 2020 peeps, 

Aaa banyaknya habuk dekat blog ni

Kesian dia lama dah tak dilawati.

Have a lot of things to write 

But so little time

I should write more often

Seronok tau bile free2 scroll balik post lama lama walaupun certain post quite embarrassing

Sometime i write in my phone notes

Should upload those memos sometimes

K lah bye

Actually bukak blg ni tadi because nak try my new keyboard :D

Till then bye1

Buntei

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

We have a cat at home named Buntei.
He is a very manja boi. And penakut also.
Mak used to hate cats a lot, cause stray cats used to berak on her plants.

But adik insisted on having one as a pet. And then came Buntei in our life.
Initially adik named him as Tiger but mak called him Buntei. I guess he is kucing kampung after all, Tiger never sticks around and he reponds only when we call him Buntei.

Now adik dah masuk belajar, and Buntei remain in our house. Mak said dah bela lama jadi sayang pulak.

Lol.

She used to hate cats so much but now she’s the one who taking care of Buntei.
She loves Buntei as she said since Buntei is in the house there are less cockroaches and lizards.

Okay tu je. I tuink the hate to love story between mak and Buntei so cute.
Till then bye.

Btw i am entering Emergency department next week as my last posting. Wow time sure flies, i am already a sixth poster ☺️

Random Things I Did Today

Assalamualaikum and hi all 😘

Today i became volunteer for mock MRCP exam (MRCP is an exam to become Physicisian)

I had  to act as surrogate during their exam. My station is history taking so I kena berlakon jadi Puan Sofia who is a 55 years old lady with underlying depression on medications. 

Apparently i have been jaundice for the past 4 weeks and it worries me. What’s funny is the scripted social habit of mine is regular drinker of alcohol and smoker, it’s quite hard to act that part out since i am wearing tudung and doesnt even look like a depressed divorcee with a drinking problem. However i manage to stiffle my laugh while acting it out.

It was quite an experience though, this is my second time to be involved in this mock exam. Last year i had to act as a wife of a critically ill patient, and the exam candidates have to break the bad news regarding my husband’s condition to me. 

My session finish at 1030am, Dr Gurpreet book us for whole day meaning i have free time after that and i dont have to go to work. Yeayyy. 

But i have nowhere to go and nobody to spend time with. Everyone else are working of cours. Sad me, sad life as houseman, you have to work even on the weekends. 😕

So i just drive around taiping and went to my old school, which is one of my most favorite place on Earth because it holds the memories which are so dear to me, the memories from my teenage and immature years. I really miss those days.

I am not allowed to enter though, since it is weekend. So i just end up having a chit chat with the guards and bebel to the pakcik for not going to his appoinments and keep smoking despite having asthma and heart problem! 

Then i went to taman tasik to have sengkuang calit by myself while looking at others spending time with their families 😅

Here are the pictures for today ☺️

Ok that’s all. Just feel like writing up something today. Have a nice day u olls 😋

The First Half

Assalamualaikum and hello all :)

I am currently in my 4th posting of housemanship, means i completed the first half my housemanship. Things were not definitely easy. Lots of ups and downs.

But i am so glad i finished my medical posting. The posting which i felt the worst posting ever.
I really do enjoyed medical but lots of times the people in that dept that made medical not so enjoyable. The ridiculous warning letters left and right given to housemans, silly reasons for extensions, and lots of other things. But i am glad i passed all of that, after six months i can finally say goodbye to medical 👋🏻

Now i am in my fourth week in paediatrics. It's a good posting.
During my students years, paediatric is one of the specialty that i thought of pursuing.
But looking at my current state now, i dont know anymore. I think i am entering a stage where i felt so tired of this housemanship thingy. I lost my passion and i dont know how to enjoy my job anymore. I am tired of all the dramas with all the people in it.

I lost my passion to study, i felt constantly tired and have no energy left when i arrive home.
*sigh*

I have another less than a year to complete this housemanship, pray for me that i ll make it to the end.
I do not wanna quit halfway.

Go go yan! You can do it!
💪🏻

The Worst Department

Assalamulaikum.

i am too tired now.
this shitty department is extremely tiring, i am so exhausted.
i felt like quitting
i need a break.

i thought O&G is the worst, but now i am in a deparment that felt like hell

Third Poster

Assalamualaikum and hey all!
It's been a while peeps 🙋🏻

*krik krik*
Time flies so fast
Believe it or not, i am already in my third posting ; medical

I finished o&g last week, alhamdulillah i passed o&g with a little bit of luck and my specialist's kindness.
I was late in sending my logbook 😅 but she decided to give me more time (1 extra day if not she will extend me)
I really, really dont want to be extended in o&g.

Today is my fourth day in medical department, alhamdulillah i am lucky again as the MO and specialist in my current ward are so kind. So at least i had time to adjust myself in medical without feeling depressed sebab kena marah kau lembap haha

Each department is so different, in the management, environment and your job scope. so even if you are third poster, you need a little bit of time to adjust. But if u are an excellent ho, after one day you can work as fully functional houseman already. Unfortunately i am not that kind of excellent houseman. I need time to adjust myself, get used to the management and i am still teragak2 and blur in what to do in this new department.

So i am hugely grateful when my MO and specialist are so kind and treat housemans as their colleague.

Okay, that's all for now.

See u in another four month peeps haha that's when i finish this department (hopefully)
Doakan saya okayyy. 😘

Sleep

Sleep is a luxury when you are a houseman.

I am still amazed on how i manage to survive with no sleep for more than 24 hours, when i used to be known as kaki tido during my high school time.

Currently so sleepy, i need my sleep!
But cannot, have to wait until 5 baru boleh keluar from clinic.
Nak balikk!

Okay this is just my random ranting, another 20 minutes before punch out.

Tomorrow have to come to work early morning 😑

#prayforyantosurvivetwoyearsofhousemanship

First Posting ; Orthopedics

Assalamualaikum and hello :)

Lamanya tak menulis dalam blog. I always wanna update and write something but, when you are a houseman sleep is far more important than anything else 😑

It has been five months since i am in this profession; there are lots of good and bad things happened within this five month.

I was extended for a month.
When i first knew that i was extended, i was really depressed.
I didn't tell my family, in fear of i will break down and make mom worry. Mom is a worry wart and she got hypertension, so i always tell her i am enjoying my work.
Until the end, i just kept all my depression inside, air mata setitik pun tak keluar.

But, i am lucky to have such a great friends and bosses around me.
My friends and colleagues kept telling me that i did a good job as a first poster, not to worry too much regarding my extension.
Some of my bosses (the MOs) able to detect my depressed mood during my extension period, and they kept giving me motivational support and i am really grateful for that.

I ve met a lot of wonderful people, and also a handful numbers of annoying ones 😭

Next week gonna be my last week in Ortho, altough i always feel this dept quite annoying with all the politics and drama, i do really enjoy my first posting in ortho. For sure, i ll miss this department when i enter the more stressful departments after this.

Till then peeps,
Wish me luck in my next dept.

*tak sabarnya nak EOP, nak jenjalan dan tidur puas puas yeayyyy!

Housemanship

Assalamualaikum wbt

being a houseman really drains your energy
'
i am trying really hard to love this profession

keep wondering why i wanted to be a doctor

it is really hard to renew your niat when you are subjected to being depressed every day

no single mistake is allowed, as it will cost the life of another

:(

Current Addiction; Luffy san!

Assalamualaikum wbt. 

Currently i am still menganggur. 

Dah stop kerja dekat kfc for some reason. 

Still waiting for my interview with spa, seriously penantian satu seksaaaa 🎶

Living life as a penganggur, there's nothing much i can do

Thus i have a new hobby. 

Reading manga! 

Tak pernah sangka diri ini akan addicted to manga. Like seriously! Sebab sebelum ni, saya selalu wonder why people baca manga and watch anime? I couldn't relate at all. And my friend ada yang sampai nangis2 bila tengok anime haha

Tapi bila dah try, i realize how amazing mangas/animes are. 

Banyak sangat life lesson yang dapat  berbanding tengok drama melayu pukul 7 malam tu 😂

So my current addiction right now is One Piece! 

I am in love with one piece and all characters yang ada dalam manga tu. 

Currently dah chapter 200++ 

I wanna be luffy's nakama too!

Okay end of ranting. 

#diariseorangpenganggur

:(

Assalamualaikum wbt :)

Kita sayang someone
Kita taknak tengok dia buat sesuatu yang salah
kita nak tolong dia, nak nasihat dia sebab sayang
sebab risau

tapi bila dia tak hiraukan nasihat kita
dan dia tipu kita lagi
perasaan kecewa tu
pedih sangat

*sigh*

i have never been this disappointed in someone
It really hurts

bila dia tak tahu yang kita tahu dia tipu kita
dia buat muka tak bersalah
sakitnya hati

Old post

Assalamualaikum wbt.

I am rereading my old post dalam blog ni.

Hahaha rasa nak lari sembunyi bawah tangga. 

🙈

Rasa macam tak percaya dah masuk tahun ketujuh menulis blog. 

2011 adalah tahun yang paling rajin sekali update, masa tu jugak rajin sangat pergi melawat, baca dan komen blog orang lain 😅 

Sekarang, ada sesetengah blog yang saya follow tu dah tak wujud dah. 

Saya memang tabik spring toing toing dekat blogger yang menulis secara konsisten dan ada isi. 

Nak konsisten tu memang susah sangat. Idea banyak je, konon dalam kepala nak buat travelog jalan mesir, turki dengan uk dulu.. Angan angan tinggi, padahal travelog italy dulu pun tak habis. Hahaha angan angan mat jenin ja, tade action langsung. 

Bila terfikir balik sayang kan? Sbb banyak sangat benda best nak share, tapi bila tangguh lelama terlupa dah semua. Langsung hilang idea tu.

Hmm

Bila baca post2 yang lama, terasa sangat ketidak matangan diri. Well, sekarang pun tadelah matang mana pun, tapi upgrade sikit la kot dari zaman hingusan dulu. 😅

Memang malu baca post2 emo yg lama2 tapi sayang pulak rasa nak padam. Sebab boleh tengok perubahan diri, turun naik semua. 

Tak tahu berapa lama lagi nak simpan blog ni, dulu rajin jugak tulis benda benda ilmiah, share pengalaman dan ibrah semua. Sekarang asyik2 tulis benda personal, dah rasa macam tulis diari dah. Sapa nak baca en kalau tulis diari je haha tak menarik langsung.

Okay tu je diari saya utk hari ni. Babai!

My beans of wisdom

Assalamualaikum all 😊

I have always been a drama addict haha to be specific, korean drama addict. But over the years i have managed to lessen my addiction. I watch less drama because, well being drama addict while you are in a med school is not really a good idea.

So how do i do it? Haha by being an avid reader of a blog called dramabeans. In dramabeans they do recapping of lots of dramas.

I figured out if i read the recaps of certain dramas, i will be less 'tertarik' to watch them. (Tak tahu apa word yg sesuai untuk tertarik haha)

Reading recaps require much less time than watching the whole 16 or sometimes 20 episodes of dramas.

Hehe

I have some free time now, so i watch some dramas AND read the recap. 

There's this section in dramabeans called  Beans of Wisdom, where they feature some great comments over the week on their blog. 

And this week my comment is featured! 

Hahaha well i am so excited but i dont know where to rant, since i dont know who else is a reader of dramabeans.. Hence, 'terlahirlah' this post 😉

I always use my initials, ikhh while commenting in dramabeans. 

I am so excited when i saw my comment is featured in beans of wisdom this week. Never even have the slightest expectation for it to be featured. 

Well, mesti korang tak faham pun apa yang saya excited kan haha 😂

That's all for today. 🙋🏻

Trust

Trust is something that you have to earn, it is not meant to be taken for granted.

Nervous

Assalamualaikum wbt

I am feeling nervous

Throughout my (almost) 25 years of living

This is my first time

To work

No

Not as a doctor

I decided to work part time at a restaurant

Well i have to earn my living

Takleh la nak menghabiskan beras je kan kat rumah

Wish me luck!

I wonder the nervousness must be double or triple when i ll jstart my housemanship

xx

1N2D

IAssalamualaikum wbt

I am becoming a huge fan of one night two days, well i was always a fan of that show. But i was not as obsessed as i am right now. Blame all the free time that i have. *sigh*

Every week, on sundays, tak sabar nak tunggu keluar episod baru. Laptop rosak dan internet rumah tak laju so kena depend on the episodes uploaded by KBS World youtube channel. Tengok youtube dekat phone sangat laju haha.

Well, one of the reason why i like 1N2D is because of the travelling part. They always visit pretty places. 

I never thought of hiking before, but because of 1N2D one of my to-do-list nowadays is to hike and enjoy the nature.

I even ada rasa nak pergi panjat bukit larut lagi sekali, eventhough i hated it so much masa sekolah dkt mrsm taiping dulu. Lol.

Other than the travel part, the main reason 1N2D is so addictive is because that show is so funny, like seriously! The members have lots of chemistry together. 

I felt so sad when kim joo hyuk left the show, how can he felt he is a burden to the show? 

I don't even know why i am rambling about 1N2D here, but i need somewhere to rant about my current obsession. 

Hehe

Till then, bye!

Dream

i had a dream last night

It felt so real

I dont usually dream at night

And when i do, i rarely remember

But

Last night

It felt so real

My heart aches when i woke up

And i am asking myself

Why is it only a dream?

How i wish for it to be the reality

:(