Reminiscing the old times

 Assalamualaikum and hai. 

I am surprised blogger.com is actually still here.

It has been yearssss since I last opened my own blog. Is there people still blogging nowadays? 

Anyway, I’m feeling nostalgic tonight and found myself scrolling through my old blog and Facebook posts. Both had been quiet for years now.

Reading the posts I wrote in my early 20s brings up mixed feelings. Part of me misses those carefree days, but at the same time, I now realise that many of the things I worried about back then were actually so small. Looking back, some of those posts make me cringe a little!

Still, I’m grateful that I wrote them and poured my emotions into those words. Revisiting those youthful, sometimes immature thoughts reminds me of how much I’ve grown and how far I’ve come. 

Nowadays, I am only writing in physical journal. Can't really write everything online nowadays as most of my writing revolves around my daily life.. And by daily life I meant my work mostly, can't really write about my patients online, nanti kena saman or viral all for the wrong reasons. heh. 

So my journal has become the keeper of all those thoughts, frustrations, little victories, and memorable moments. In a way, it feels more personal too. Maybe years from now, I’ll look back at those pages the same way I’m looking back at my old Facebook posts tonight — cringing at some parts, laughing at others, but grateful that I took the time to record a little piece of my life.

I am on my fourth year of Master in Paediatrics. I don't really know HOW I made it, but somehow here I am, on my journey of becoming paediatrician. Sometimes, I think it all started more than 10 years ago during my paediatric rotation in medical school. One of the residents watched me interacting with the children in our class and casually told me, “You’ll make a good paediatrician someday.” 

It stuck with me until now, and during my housemanship, Paediatric was the one rotation in which I was most confident and really enjoyed myself. 

Oklah, that's all for today. 

GBS

Assalamualaikum peeps

Long time no see. 

Recently i witness another baby passed away because of GBS Sepsis. It is so heartbreaking seeing the mother holding her lifeless baby. 

I stifled my cry when seeing the mom and dad broke down when my speacialist broke the bad news - there is nothing more that we can do to your baby, we have tried our best but he seems not responding to our treatment. 

GBS is so nasty, this is my second time seeing baby passed away within 24 hours of life because of GBS. I wish i can do more for the baby, but he deteriorates so fast. 

Bayangkan you are so excited carrying your baby for 9 months thinking there is nothing wrong only to loose them within hours after their birth. 

This is the hardest thing in this job, when you loose your patient and you felt hopeless, hoping you can do better for them and their families. But i had to remind myself again and again that it is all God’s plan, and i can only try my best.

But it is still hard when you have to put a front in front of parents and your colleague. 

There are a few deaths that i still remember after few years passed, in which sometimes i was wondering how are the parents now. I still remember the mothers’ hopeful face everytime when they asked their baby’s/child’s condition. It sucks when they kept on thanking me for taking care of their child but i know deep down, their child is not gonna make it despite our best effort. 

:(

Reading my old post

I am glad i wrote a lot in this blog during my late teen and early 20s. 

Somehow i am missing that stage of life. When i was young, and my main problems in life were mainly things related to my feelings and how hard studying medicine. Haha. 

Adulting is hard. 

I am thirty years old this year. 

Cepat sangat masa berjalan.

When i was young, i thought by this age, my life would already be figured out. Haha, my god i was so naive back then.

Sometimes, i felt like i am more lost nowadays compared to when i was younger. 

Hmm, thats all peeps. Its nice writing here again after so long. 

Bye for now :)

2020

Asslamualaikum :)

Happy 2020 peeps, 

Aaa banyaknya habuk dekat blog ni

Kesian dia lama dah tak dilawati.

Have a lot of things to write 

But so little time

I should write more often

Seronok tau bile free2 scroll balik post lama lama walaupun certain post quite embarrassing

Sometime i write in my phone notes

Should upload those memos sometimes

K lah bye

Actually bukak blg ni tadi because nak try my new keyboard :D

Till then bye1